How to write your own vows without losing your mind

I've seen a lot of couples sit down to write their vows and immediately spiral. They either freeze because it feels too big, or they write something that sounds borrowed from a movie and then feel embarrassed about it.

Here's the thing: your vows don't need to be poetic. They just need to be true. Here's how to get there.

Start with what you actually want to say

Before you think about structure or length, just write down the things you want your partner to know. The things you feel most strongly about. The promises that actually mean something to you. Don't worry about how it sounds yet. Just get it out.

Be specific

Generic vows are forgettable. Specific ones aren't.

Instead of "I promise to always be there for you," try to name what that actually looks like. What do you show up for? What do you want them to know you'll always do? The more specific you are, the more it lands.

Aim for one to two minutes when spoken aloud

That's roughly 150 to 250 words. Long enough to say something real, short enough to stay in the moment. Read your vows out loud as you write them. If you run out of breath or lose your place, they're too long.

Match each other's tone, not each other's words

You and your partner don't need to write identical vows. You're different people. But it helps to agree beforehand on whether you're going for heartfelt, lighthearted, or somewhere in between. Nothing derails a ceremony faster than one partner going funny and the other going full poetry.

Don't read them to each other before the day

This is personal preference, but I'd recommend keeping your vows private until the ceremony. Hearing them for the first time in front of everyone who loves you is a genuinely extraordinary experience. It's worth preserving.

It's okay to ask for help

If you're stuck, I'm here. Part of my job is helping couples find the words for things they know but don't quite know how to say. We can work through it together.

If you're writing your own vows for a Salt & Vow ceremony, I'll guide you through the process. You won't be doing it alone.